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Middle schoolers and social media?  Is social media safe?  Is it useful?  Is it necessary?  These are much different questions than those I asked years ago when my biggest concern was “How much TV time should my toddler have?” 

So how do we, as parents navigate social media with our children?  As the mother of three; ages 21, 19, and 12, I can see huge changes in the past 10 years.  When our older two children were in middle school, social media was just beginning and very few middle schoolers had cell phones. Yet, just 10 years later, to hear our 12-year-old tell it, all of her friends have smart phones and they all use Snapchat and Instagram. She probably isn’t too far off the mark.  According to a 2013 Pew study, 78% of teens have a cell phone and almost half of those (47%) were smart phones. As of 2015, it was estimated that of kids age 12-15, 55% are using Instagram, 81% are using YouTube, and 53% are using Snapchat.  

So, how can parents allow their kids to be culturally relevant and help them be responsible at the same time?

Though this particular struggle is new, the solution is not. We need to remind our children of who God says we are as His followers. 

In the Bible we are reminded that:

We are created in His image: Genesis 1:27 says:

“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them, male and female, He created them.”

We are His own people:  1 Peter 2:9 states:

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people; that you should proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”

We are called to a transparency that lets others see Christ in us:  Colossians 1:27 encourages us:

“To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

How do these things get jumbled on social media you might ask? While social media is generally defined as forms of electronic communication through which users create and share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content or engage in social networking communities, this leaves out one important point.  What it doesn’t mention is the idea of creating a curated image of yourself and your life that you believe will be acceptable to your online community. 

Social media allows users to filter what others see in a way that isn’t possible in real, face-to-face communication. 

We can show a filtered, positive image of ourselves that can be deceiving. While some adults understand this phenomenon, I’m not sure that all children do. The prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the human brain with which adults think, isn’t fully developed until around age 25 which means that teens think with their amygdala, the emotional part of their brain. So, teens aren’t thinking so much as feeling. They feel like everyone on Instagram has a perfect life unlike their own…because they know the reality of their life but not the reality of anyone else’s.

Instead of living the transparent life we are called to, it is easy to hide our difficulties and imperfections with filters.

Another aspect to consider is that social media platforms are designed to be addictive. They are engineered to consume as much of users’ time and attention as possible. This addictive quality can sow seeds of dissatisfaction, which in turn often lead to poor mental health.  A report from the Royal Society for Public Health in the UK found that social media use is linked with increased rates of anxiety, depression and poor sleep in young people.

Additionally, findings from a 2017 survey undertaken by the same organization concluded that:

“Social media…(are) being described as more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol. The social media platforms that are supposed to help young people connect with each other may actually be fueling a mental health crisis.”

Considering all of this, if we accept that social media is a reality in our modern life, how can we help our teens use it in a responsible way that reflects God’s glory while protecting them? 

• First of all, we, as parents, should encourage our children to know who they are in Christ.  They, and we, are His image-bearers, His children, and are called to reflect His glory. How we behave online should reflect these values. 

• Second, know how to use whatever application your child wants to use.  Learn how to post, edit posts, and delete posts. Learn how to use privacy features, especially location features.  Talk about who they can and cannot accept as friends/followers. Talk about what kinds of posts are acceptable and what kinds are not.  Talking about online safety is just as important as talking about never getting into a stranger’s car.  Have these conversations before your child opens any social media account.

• Third, pay attention to the age constraints on each platform.  You won’t be doing your child any favors by helping them get around these safety measures.  Be aware that these social media platforms have millions of users. For example, in 2017 Instagram had an estimated 500 million daily users. 

• Fourth, monitor your children’s accounts.  Have their passwords and “follow” or “friend” them.

• Fifth, remember that they will make mistakes. Help them navigate.

Only you and your child can decide what the best way to navigate these trends are. How does the potential for social networking and relationship building compare with the dangers of becoming addicted to social media and the potential mental or emotion damage that can occur from extended use of these same social media?

For our family, the longer our children can refrain from using them the better, but that answer is different for every family and it is something only you can decide.

Learn the facts, do your research, teach your children who they are in Christ and stay engaged with your children both at home and on social media!

Starting. Point. Lunch.  See that first word, Starting?  Well, it’s actually a little misleading, because for me, the real Starting Point happened back at my very first visit to Mountain Christian Church. 

Hopefully, your first experiences at Mountain Christian Church were like mine: enthusiastic and welcoming! My first Sunday at MCC, upon entering the building, I was immediately greeted, assisted with finding where to drop off my three-year-old, assured of the great care she would receive and the schedule for her morning, then directed to the sanctuary for worship service. 

Once arriving there, my experience became even more special, as I was approached and warmly welcomed by no less than six individuals!  In the following weeks these same lovely people and others continued to greet me, welcome me back, and ask about me with genuine warmth and Christian Love. 

After praying to find a church home, I knew God had led me to MCC. 

When I heard about the Starting Point Lunch, it was clear that I should go, as I wanted to know more about this Church.

At the lunch I found myself in the company of a mixed group of others who had come because they too had experienced an outpouring of love from the MCC family and wanted to know more. From families with kids, to a more mature couple, to a single woman, we all “hungered” for more…and for the next hour and a half, our physical hunger (it was lunchtime after all!) and our hunger for knowing about MCC was satisfied.

Pastor Frank and several other couples in church leader roles dispersed amongst us while we ate and engaged us in conversation and getting to know each other.  Then, we participated in a round robin to introduce and share a little about ourselves, and to share what prompted us to come to the Starting Point Lunch.  For me, it was easy. 

The warm welcome I received on day one that continued to be the “norm” on all subsequent visits was the driving factor for my presence.  And after hearing the others’ reasons, along with the history, purpose, and missions of the church from Pastor Frank and the others, it’s why I have stayed.  And it’s why I call MCC my church home.

If you are new to MCC, or looking for a church home, we hope you will consider attending the next Starting Point Lunch on May 6^th!

“Sometimes,” she confided with anxious eyes, “I feel like I don’t know how I can possibly serve. I don’t think I can do anything.  I want to be a blessing to our church, I just don’t know how.”  She let out a troubled sigh of discouragement.

Do you ever feel this way? I know I have! You want to serve and yet don’t know if you are needed or how you can be a blessing.

Let me hasten to tell you, God brought you to us and you are needed! 

You were meant to be a blessing and you have much to offer your brothers and sisters at MCC! 

Consider Paul’s description of the church in 1 Corinthians 12:14-26

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?  But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body…..But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”

This is you and this is me, this is the church! 

We are drawn together by the worship of Christ, knit into one body to work together, to grow, and to share the Gospel with others.

If one member suffers, then we all suffer. 

You might wonder how you can help --- you may feel like you don’t have a lot of time, resources, or skills that the church can use. But consider this, there are many needs with in the body that never make it to the bulletin. These are needs that would not be appropriate to share with the entire congregation, but having those needs met are still vitally important.

Consider this:

• What if a person needs a ride to a doctor’s appointment? Can you drive?
• What if someone’s car breaks down and they need groceries? Perhaps you know how to repair the vehicle the car?
• What if you someone’s dryer breaks and they cannot afford a repairman? Perhaps you are handy and can fix stuff that breaks in a household!
• Suppose someone’s computer breaks and they don’t know where to, or cannot afford to, take it in? Yet you understand the mysterious complexities of a computer!
• Are you a young person who can help an older one who just got a computer learn how to use it?

You see, none of us are designed to do everything perfectly, instead we are meant to help one another, and in doing so, we strengthen and build relationships!

And you, yes YOU, are a vibrant provider AND partaker of this!

William & Dolores Jiron lead the Helps Ministry that is designed to help meet some of these needs. Would you prayerfully consider signing up? 

You may only be called once a year, but it will be a call to service for the Lord’s glory!

Before writing this blog post, I asked 30 adoptive families how we can do better as a church with two simple questions:

“How did the church hold you up and how did the church fail you?” 

This is a summary of their answers and some ideas on how you can serve families in difficult situations.  

Validation and acceptance for the journey:

Don’t just look at the outside and think you know what may be happening inside. Know that children from hard places have struggles that make them often appear sweet and charming in public, but behind closed doors it is another story altogether. Accept that the people you knew haven’t changed; but rather that they are struggling in ways you can’t even imagine.

Meals:

Yes, even years into the adoption. There are no words to describe how completely and utterly worn-out parents become battling day in and day out, as they try to break through to love a child with an attachment disorder. Secondary trauma (the trauma the family faces because of the child’s struggles) can cause severe brain fog and pure exhaustion.   

Please stay in contact:

Raising a child from a hard place, especially one with an attachment disorder, isolates a family. A child from a hard place will work to isolate a family, demanding it with behaviors. This need will continue even if a child is removed from the home. Either way, empathy for the journey is paramount.

Help with Childcare:

There are no words for what a drain parenting a child from a hard place can be, a child with an attachment disorder. Parents need a break every now and then.

In closing, this is such a complex subject that I could write for ages, and still not cover all the ways a family who has adopted a child from a hard place will need support. I hope this gives a glimpse into the ongoing needs of those in this hard ministry.

Sadly, the foster care system is FULL of children with attachment disorders. Our family’s experience is not an isolated event. 

Perhaps you don’t know a family who is raising a child with an attachment disorder. But it’s likely that you know a family raising a child with ADHD, Autism, severe anxiety, or a developmental disorder; the same suggestions can be applied to any of these families.

As I look back on this experience, I hold fast to the fact that as believers, we are precious and dearly loved by our Lord as He patiently sanctifies us.

We all have difficult behaviors.  As Christians, we must step into hard places; for those places are where the Lord meets us and grows us to be more like Him.

Surrendering to the hard things brings glory to God and is an act of worship.

We’ve done it MCC Families! Adoption is an integral part of our church culture. It is an amazing feat, and as I look across our sanctuary on Sunday mornings, I see family after family touched by adoption. It is beautiful…but sometimes it can also be very painful, sometimes it can even destroy a family.

As more and more families answer the call to adopt, they go in with hope and expectation to make a difference. Sadly though, there is a dark side of adoption that isn’t often discussed, and it regularly catches families completely unprepared.

There are adoptions that wreak havoc on families because of deep attachment problems that children have suffered. For children who didn’t have adequate care and love throughout their life, and for those who never knew the safety of a bond with their mother or father, biological or otherwise, bonding and being part of a family can be difficult, in some cases impossible. 

For children who have survived trauma, abuse and neglect, moving into the foster care system too often sets them up for failure.

They fear that they will return to their abusive parents, and sometimes they are returned, only to be removed again and put back into care many times. Because of this devastating cycle, many of these children learn it isn’t safe to trust adults or caregivers, and they cope by creating maladaptive ways to handle their fear and anger. These behaviors make it difficult or impossible to bond, and extremely hard to parent, so these kids are often moved from one foster family to another and another. As the cycle continues, it deepens their intense fear of love and attachment and rewires their brain. It is devastating and destructive.

This was the situation for us, to the point that one of our adopted children can no longer live in our home. Chris continues to try to break through to this child, even as she refuses to be loved. She is incapable of loving in return, or living in a family setting safely. This reality is so far from our dreams for her life.

After this experience, it is my heart’s desire to share with you how incredibly important it is that we continue the chain of responsibility. As an aspect of being pro-life, we are pro-adoption.

Although not all are called to adopt, we should all be supportive of the families who are called to do so.

You might wonder what this looks like. As a church culture, we know what to do when someone has a baby, a death in the family, or a friend who is struggling with illness.  We can look at the transition of adding an adopted child to our family in the same light.  

By stepping into this gap, we show these brave families that they are important, this adopted child is important, and we are with them.

For families adopting children with severe behaviors, attachment disorders, or other mental health issues, this is crucial.  It may even make the difference between those families thriving and failing. There are some real tangible ways that families may need support, especially those who adopt older children from hard places.

Join us for Part Three tomorrow as we share ideas on how you can step in to meet some of these needs with real, tangible ways to offer hope and support!