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Talking with Kathleen Cantwell was like a soothing balm for a momma’s soul. It was a gentle reminder that God’s grace abounds; in parenting, discipling, and even social media. And let’s be honest, parenting in this modern world calls for an abundance of grace and an attitude of awareness. Many of us may want to stick our parental heads in the sand or stay as far away from all social media and emerging technology as possible, thinking if our children never venture into it, these modern facts of life will not affect them. It is simply not true.

I first heard Kathleen speak at the Get R.E.A.L. conference last year in Albuquerque about parenting in the modern world and had been hoping I would have the chance to talk with her one-on-one. I got that chance one morning over coffee, this is my takeaway from our conversation.

Kathleen came to faith when she was 17, long before there was any notion of Facebook, Snapchat, or Instagram. Having grown up outside of the church she began her faith walk with Young Life. After being saved she felt called to live a mission-focused life. Her experience with Young Life further inspired and encouraged her ministry. What she learned through Young Life, how she was encouraged and taught to disciple, still rings true today. It is a concept that has carried through to her ministry, church, raising children and to adapting to a constantly changing world of social media trends.

When I asked Kathleen about how she parented her children, who attended public school, through a time of intense growth in social media she said, “First, I would say that public school is NOT for the faint of heart. Our children were exposed to things much earlier than we would have wanted them to be but, because we are a mission-focused family, we realized early-on that this would be true for our children as well.”

When her boys entered 6^th and 8^th grades in the Albuquerque Public School system, Kathleen and her husband realized that their boys would soon have to have phones. “We held out as long as we could,” she said, “but by the time they got to 8^th / 9^th grades we realized that they would either do it behind our back, without supervision, or they would do it with our permission and under our watch.”

Adopting an “inverted funnel” concept to how they would allow their children to function on social media and to use these devices was an intentional process. They also realized that there was a profound difference between behavior modification and real heart change.

“We had to learn to be responsive instead of reactive, had to encourage learning and growth, instead of guilt,” she said. “Instead of making them feel ashamed over whatever decision they had made, we would encourage them by saying, ‘This is not God’s best for you, while asking how they could move past it?’ Kids know what it feels like to be convicted, God lays convictions on our hearts to discipline, train, and encourage us in the way that we should go.”

As her children increased their presence on social media, MySpace at the time, she was attentive without being overbearing and involved without be obvious. “At first, we allowed them to have 15 “friends” and if they proved they could be trustworthy at that level,” she said, “then we allowed more freedom.” There were also consequences that followed when trust was broken.

Additionally, because Kathleen was involved in her boys’ lives and held a Young Life group meeting weekly at her house, many of those students “friended” her on social media. And, many of those kids were already “friends” with her sons on social media. Through this, she was aware of what her boys and some of their friends were posting.

When her children messed up, usually by posting pictures or statements that where not glorifying, she would encourage them to “think more highly of yourself than that and realize who you are as a child of God.”

Her advice?  “Tell your children, from the beginning, ‘We are setting up parameters to protect you. Much like Nehemiah posted watchmen on the wall, we are going to watch out for you until you are ready to watch out for yourself.” What a beautiful, biblical example, of how a parent protects and watches out for their children! 

Kathleen goes on to advise parents that children and social media is an almost unavoidable aspect of today’s world. Parents need to be aware of the power of social media and prayerfully encourage children of their value in Christ. She recalls telling her children repeatedly, “My interest is for your protection and to point you to Jesus.”

“Leave the door open and stay in prayer,” she encourages. “Many times, I prayed that God would protect them, shore them up in their belief, and lead them quickly to conviction.”  

But the truth is, to be convicted, we have to have an understanding of our own depravity. If we never see that we are sinners, we’ll never understand the true, undeserved, gift of forgiveness.

“Ultimately,” she said, “I had to ask myself, ‘What is the worst thing that can happen in our children’s lives?’

• Would they get pregnant or get someone else pregnant?
  • No, it is that they would not know and love the Lord God with their whole heart, mind and soul.
• Would they get into drugs?
  • No, it is that they would not know and love the Lord God with their whole heart, mind and soul.
• Would they steal, lie, or cheat?
  • No, it is that they would not know and love the Lord God with their whole heart, mind and soul.”

The list could go on and on. But the truth is, the fear and “worst case” is different for each of us. Instead of living in that fear Kathleen offered this perspective, “Do not parent out of fear,” she said. “Instead be your child’s champion! Tell them, show them, “we know that you are worthy of trust and we believe in you.”

As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncle or people who serve teens and children we have to ask ourselves: "How can we guide, support, protect, and encourage these children to be true to who they are in Christ while letting His light shine through them to people who desperately need it?

IF you have some ideas we would love to hear them! Share in the comments how you do this with the children and teens in your life!

Five loaves and two fishes. You remember the story right?

Jesus had crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee and a crowd of people followed him because they saw the signs he had performed by healing the sick. When Jesus went up on the mountainside and sat down with his disciples he saw the great crowd coming toward him, and asked Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!” Simon Peter’s brother Andrew, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” (paraphrased from John 6:1-9)

Just as the boy who gave the bread and fish never thought his meager offering would be enough, I wondered how my tiny contribution could make a difference in a country as big as Bolivia during a mission trip there in March. I knew exactly what he felt like!

Throughout the trip I wondered:

“How can conversations using my limited Spanish vocabulary have any Eternal impact?”

I don’t know but I did have fun helping Dakota Powell's sponsor child practice her English homework, I enjoyed getting to know the mothers in the Savings Group by asking them about their children and I enjoyed teaching a group of children about savings.  All in broken English, usually through a translator, but always hopeful that God’s love would shine through me and shower them with His affection.

“Did hiking alongside 14-year-old Tatiana really have eternal significance?”

Again, I don't know, but I learned that Tatiana loves all kinds of flowers and that her favorite animal is a rabbit and for that day she had the full attention of one person who really wanted to get to know her and share the love of Jesus with her.

“How can sewing a hem into a sheet of plastic while telling our bus driver about my pets (because that is the only vocabulary that I knew) make a difference?”

Still, I don't know, but through our translator he shared that he and his wife have lost two babies and I was able to use that time, and my broken Spanish, to encourage him.

So that big question that continually pestered me throughout the trip: “How can my tiny contribution make a difference in a country as big as Bolivia?” I never actually found a concrete answer to that but I do know that I loved communicating with the children, FH staff and people I met in Villa Margarita and God taught me so much about myself and showed me what I COULD do in the midst of everything I was afraid I couldn’t! It seems small but it grew my faith!

And, do you remember the end of the story about the boy who gave the loaves and the fishes?

Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There were about five thousand men were there and some likely had family. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten. (paraphrased from John 6:10-14)

My trip to Bolivia may not have had the same obvious abundance, at least not that everyone else could see, but it taught me that God can use me just the way I am, I don't have to try to be like somebody else; I need to be willing to do what he asks and trust Him with the results.

If you are interested in learning more about Nicole's trip, or other missions trips at MCC, join us Wednesday, May 16th at 6pm at MCC for a Mission's in Focus program where we will be talking about mission trips to Guatemala, Bolivia and the Czech Republic as well as MCC's Business as Missions program. Contact Jennifer Ward for more information about that event!

Middle schoolers and social media?  Is social media safe?  Is it useful?  Is it necessary?  These are much different questions than those I asked years ago when my biggest concern was “How much TV time should my toddler have?” 

So how do we, as parents navigate social media with our children?  As the mother of three; ages 21, 19, and 12, I can see huge changes in the past 10 years.  When our older two children were in middle school, social media was just beginning and very few middle schoolers had cell phones. Yet, just 10 years later, to hear our 12-year-old tell it, all of her friends have smart phones and they all use Snapchat and Instagram. She probably isn’t too far off the mark.  According to a 2013 Pew study, 78% of teens have a cell phone and almost half of those (47%) were smart phones. As of 2015, it was estimated that of kids age 12-15, 55% are using Instagram, 81% are using YouTube, and 53% are using Snapchat.  

So, how can parents allow their kids to be culturally relevant and help them be responsible at the same time?

Though this particular struggle is new, the solution is not. We need to remind our children of who God says we are as His followers. 

In the Bible we are reminded that:

We are created in His image: Genesis 1:27 says:

“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them, male and female, He created them.”

We are His own people:  1 Peter 2:9 states:

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people; that you should proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”

We are called to a transparency that lets others see Christ in us:  Colossians 1:27 encourages us:

“To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

How do these things get jumbled on social media you might ask? While social media is generally defined as forms of electronic communication through which users create and share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content or engage in social networking communities, this leaves out one important point.  What it doesn’t mention is the idea of creating a curated image of yourself and your life that you believe will be acceptable to your online community. 

Social media allows users to filter what others see in a way that isn’t possible in real, face-to-face communication. 

We can show a filtered, positive image of ourselves that can be deceiving. While some adults understand this phenomenon, I’m not sure that all children do. The prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the human brain with which adults think, isn’t fully developed until around age 25 which means that teens think with their amygdala, the emotional part of their brain. So, teens aren’t thinking so much as feeling. They feel like everyone on Instagram has a perfect life unlike their own…because they know the reality of their life but not the reality of anyone else’s.

Instead of living the transparent life we are called to, it is easy to hide our difficulties and imperfections with filters.

Another aspect to consider is that social media platforms are designed to be addictive. They are engineered to consume as much of users’ time and attention as possible. This addictive quality can sow seeds of dissatisfaction, which in turn often lead to poor mental health.  A report from the Royal Society for Public Health in the UK found that social media use is linked with increased rates of anxiety, depression and poor sleep in young people.

Additionally, findings from a 2017 survey undertaken by the same organization concluded that:

“Social media…(are) being described as more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol. The social media platforms that are supposed to help young people connect with each other may actually be fueling a mental health crisis.”

Considering all of this, if we accept that social media is a reality in our modern life, how can we help our teens use it in a responsible way that reflects God’s glory while protecting them? 

• First of all, we, as parents, should encourage our children to know who they are in Christ.  They, and we, are His image-bearers, His children, and are called to reflect His glory. How we behave online should reflect these values. 

• Second, know how to use whatever application your child wants to use.  Learn how to post, edit posts, and delete posts. Learn how to use privacy features, especially location features.  Talk about who they can and cannot accept as friends/followers. Talk about what kinds of posts are acceptable and what kinds are not.  Talking about online safety is just as important as talking about never getting into a stranger’s car.  Have these conversations before your child opens any social media account.

• Third, pay attention to the age constraints on each platform.  You won’t be doing your child any favors by helping them get around these safety measures.  Be aware that these social media platforms have millions of users. For example, in 2017 Instagram had an estimated 500 million daily users. 

• Fourth, monitor your children’s accounts.  Have their passwords and “follow” or “friend” them.

• Fifth, remember that they will make mistakes. Help them navigate.

Only you and your child can decide what the best way to navigate these trends are. How does the potential for social networking and relationship building compare with the dangers of becoming addicted to social media and the potential mental or emotion damage that can occur from extended use of these same social media?

For our family, the longer our children can refrain from using them the better, but that answer is different for every family and it is something only you can decide.

Learn the facts, do your research, teach your children who they are in Christ and stay engaged with your children both at home and on social media!

Starting. Point. Lunch.  See that first word, Starting?  Well, it’s actually a little misleading, because for me, the real Starting Point happened back at my very first visit to Mountain Christian Church. 

Hopefully, your first experiences at Mountain Christian Church were like mine: enthusiastic and welcoming! My first Sunday at MCC, upon entering the building, I was immediately greeted, assisted with finding where to drop off my three-year-old, assured of the great care she would receive and the schedule for her morning, then directed to the sanctuary for worship service. 

Once arriving there, my experience became even more special, as I was approached and warmly welcomed by no less than six individuals!  In the following weeks these same lovely people and others continued to greet me, welcome me back, and ask about me with genuine warmth and Christian Love. 

After praying to find a church home, I knew God had led me to MCC. 

When I heard about the Starting Point Lunch, it was clear that I should go, as I wanted to know more about this Church.

At the lunch I found myself in the company of a mixed group of others who had come because they too had experienced an outpouring of love from the MCC family and wanted to know more. From families with kids, to a more mature couple, to a single woman, we all “hungered” for more…and for the next hour and a half, our physical hunger (it was lunchtime after all!) and our hunger for knowing about MCC was satisfied.

Pastor Frank and several other couples in church leader roles dispersed amongst us while we ate and engaged us in conversation and getting to know each other.  Then, we participated in a round robin to introduce and share a little about ourselves, and to share what prompted us to come to the Starting Point Lunch.  For me, it was easy. 

The warm welcome I received on day one that continued to be the “norm” on all subsequent visits was the driving factor for my presence.  And after hearing the others’ reasons, along with the history, purpose, and missions of the church from Pastor Frank and the others, it’s why I have stayed.  And it’s why I call MCC my church home.

If you are new to MCC, or looking for a church home, we hope you will consider attending the next Starting Point Lunch on May 6^th!

“Sometimes,” she confided with anxious eyes, “I feel like I don’t know how I can possibly serve. I don’t think I can do anything.  I want to be a blessing to our church, I just don’t know how.”  She let out a troubled sigh of discouragement.

Do you ever feel this way? I know I have! You want to serve and yet don’t know if you are needed or how you can be a blessing.

Let me hasten to tell you, God brought you to us and you are needed! 

You were meant to be a blessing and you have much to offer your brothers and sisters at MCC! 

Consider Paul’s description of the church in 1 Corinthians 12:14-26

For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?  But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body…..But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”

This is you and this is me, this is the church! 

We are drawn together by the worship of Christ, knit into one body to work together, to grow, and to share the Gospel with others.

If one member suffers, then we all suffer. 

You might wonder how you can help --- you may feel like you don’t have a lot of time, resources, or skills that the church can use. But consider this, there are many needs with in the body that never make it to the bulletin. These are needs that would not be appropriate to share with the entire congregation, but having those needs met are still vitally important.

Consider this:

• What if a person needs a ride to a doctor’s appointment? Can you drive?
• What if someone’s car breaks down and they need groceries? Perhaps you know how to repair the vehicle the car?
• What if you someone’s dryer breaks and they cannot afford a repairman? Perhaps you are handy and can fix stuff that breaks in a household!
• Suppose someone’s computer breaks and they don’t know where to, or cannot afford to, take it in? Yet you understand the mysterious complexities of a computer!
• Are you a young person who can help an older one who just got a computer learn how to use it?

You see, none of us are designed to do everything perfectly, instead we are meant to help one another, and in doing so, we strengthen and build relationships!

And you, yes YOU, are a vibrant provider AND partaker of this!

William & Dolores Jiron lead the Helps Ministry that is designed to help meet some of these needs. Would you prayerfully consider signing up? 

You may only be called once a year, but it will be a call to service for the Lord’s glory!