A few months ago a young couple in our church that was on the cusp of engagement asked me what one word is most important in marriage. They had been asking other older Christian couples to summarize what was necessary in a Christian marriage in a single word. I honestly don’t remember what I told them, and it’s really hard to list one word as more important than others in a Christian marriage. However, I know what I would say now. My answer would be forgiveness.
Which word would you choose as the most important in marriage?
A few months ago a young couple in our church that was on the cusp of engagement asked me what one word is most important in marriage. They had been asking other older Christian couples to summarize what was necessary in a Christian marriage in a single word. I honestly don’t remember what I told them, and it’s really hard to list one word as more important than others in a Christian marriage. However, I know what I would say now. My answer would be forgiveness.
My parents got saved as adults—they didn’t grow up in Christian families. They learned about forgiveness and insisted my older brother and I forgive each other. They were rather rigid in their understanding of it, and compelled us to say “I was wrong; will you forgive me?” I’ve heard those described as the seven hardest words to say in the English language. I didn’t always like doing it, but I did learn how to get right with someone I had sinned against. That was a blessing.
When I sinned against roommates, classmates, and friends while attending Bible College, I asked their forgiveness in the rather wooden, but clear method I had been taught by my parents. (I’m grateful for the clear, direct way my parents taught me to seek forgiveness. An ambiguous confession makes it harder to forgive.) Sometimes these other Christian kids would play it off as no big deal. In some I could see a surprised look on their faces. They had never been asked to forgive someone, and they didn’t know what to do when someone did. I thought that was in the DNA of every Christian family, but I found out it wasn’t.
In the first few years of our marriage, my wife would insist we get right with each other before the day ended. Sadly, I could sleep being unreconciled, but my wife couldn’t. She really believed the words of Eph 4:26.
Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…. (Eph 4:26 NASB95)
Even though my parents taught me better, I stubbornly refused sometimes to admit my sin and seek Laura’s forgiveness. But God was gracious, and I was convicted of my sin. Both humbly seeking forgiveness and graciously offering it are important. Some say the words, but don’t mean them. I believe the Bible teaches that forgiveness is a three-fold promise not to bring it up to their face, not to bring it up behind their back, and not to dwell on it. That last promise, when kept, prevents bitterness and promotes sweet reconciliation.
Laura and I developed the good habit of dealing with today’s sin, today. It became a norm in our family to seek forgiveness and to forgive both with each other and with our kids. It’s a bit humbling to ask your four-year-old son for his forgiveness or your 16-year-old daughter, but it’s obedience to God.
This isn’t a magic word in marriage. There are many good words you could defend as important in a Christian marriage, but nothing has had a greater impact on my relationships with my wife and my kids than forgiveness. It’s rare that Laura and I don’t get right before going to bed on days when we sin against each other. I’m thankful for a wife that is committed to forgiveness. She’s had to forgive me a lot. It’s been pretty one-sided in our relationship. Some who hear that and don’t know us might think that’s false humility. But if you know us, you know that I’m the one that tends to be irritable and cranky and… sinful. Laura is the kind one in the relationship. God has grown me a ton, but I still sin against her more than she does against me. So she forgives really well—maybe because I give her so much practice.
Forgiveness can be the grease that makes a marriage work smoothly. It lessens the rough patches. And it makes a difference even if only one of you is committed to forgiveness. I hope you forgive well. After all, we have a great pattern in God’s forgiveness of us (Eph 4:32; Mt 18:23-35).
A One-Word Summary of Marriage. Kraig Keck. Sept. 2, 2026. https://kraigkeck.com/a-one-word-summary-of-marriage/
