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“What am I even doing here?”

That’s what I thought as I wiped down the doorknobs with Clorox wipes. Again.

When I first began helping in my classroom at A. Montoya, I wasn’t really sure I was “helping”.  I had envisioned becoming a child’s hero as I taught them a super cool way to do math. I had dreamed of sharing heart-felt talks with little ones about how special they were.  I had believed that I could be the answer to all a teacher’s practical needs.

But in my classroom? There were 3 EAs who worked constantly to keep up with all of the children’s physical and academic needs…which changed on a daily (or sometimes hourly) basis. Many of the students could not speak. One could not even move on his own. Though there were only nine children in the classroom, considering their level of need, it was by far the most over-crowded class I’ve ever encountered.

The need was SO great. And I felt SO ill-equipped. The teacher didn’t know what to do with me, and didn’t have time to think about it. So she set me to disinfecting the room, throwing away old markers, cutting out numbers and words for activities, and filling up water bottles. I did this for several weeks, and just kept thinking, “Be faithful with little.”

And then Micah showed up.

Micah brought the house down.  Micah was a 9-year-old non-verbal kid with autism, and had never, ever been in school before. He had a ton of energy, loved to run away, got easily overwhelmed, and would scream until he decided not to scream anymore. I came in on Micah’s second day. Honestly, I’m not sure any of the amazing teachers in that room thought they could make it to the end of the week, let alone the end of the school year at that point.

My job changed that day.

While my teacher worked with Micah on just focusing on an activity, I practiced sight words with Lilly. When Gracie wouldn’t wheel herself up the ramp because no one could pay attention to her right that second, I raced her up. When Robert couldn’t sit still and kept bothering Matthew as numerous diapers were being changed and feeding tubes were being used, I did yoga with them. When everyone needed a break, I took Micah to play basketball in the gym. And do you know what happened?  My teachers took all of these acts from me as personal offerings of love and support.

I know that a handful of people, motivated by God’s unfathomably huge love, and willing to simply show up and share their lives, does indeed constitute an army; and the revolution happens because of the love being communicated through their small acts of service.

Ashley Procter

One teacher hugged me at the end of that day, thanking me for being there.

Next week, one sobbed at lunch and shared her anxious heart with me.

Next week, another asked me to pray for her.

Week after that, they all got upset when I had to miss class because I had a sick kid at home. I was actually missed.

And pretty soon, there we were, sharing life together.

The kids began to benefit from my presence too, but not necessarily in the ways I’d thought they would. Some days, Lilly got more individual attention from her teacher because I was there. Some days, Gracie got extra PT time because I was there.  Some days, Lilly spent more time learning her sight words with her teacher because I was there to take Caelen to PE. My teachers were able to take more breaks on the days I showed up, and so, they were more refreshed and relaxed when they came back to teach. 

I still help in the same class; but now there are only 2 children in it.  The teachers don’t really need my help anymore.  But they are so sad when I can’t make it to class.  They look forward to having my support, my face to laugh with, my arms to hug, and the relief of having someone walk in the door who is always, always in their corner.

I used to think that we needed tons of people, tons of hours, tons of experience, and tons of time spent doing deeply meaningful things with those at our school to make any kind of difference in our community.  This year, I lost a few volunteers.  I also started to feel that my church was becoming far less engaged at our school than I thought we would be at this point.  I became very discouraged, wondering again, “What are we even doing here?  Does any of this matter?  How are our cookies, our cut-outs, our hours spent at the school ever going to affect any real change at all?”

I reached out to the staff at the school with an email that held the subject line, “How are we doing?”  I asked all of our teachers for feedback on our service, and received the following reply from our librarian:

“Ashley- I think Shine has fundamentally changed our school. There is a strong current of love/hope that impacts each one of us. There are cookies, coffee, and snacks in the lounge. There are extra supplies, gift cards (I GOT ONE THIS TIME during a staff meeting- thank you!!) for teachers, and capable caring adults in the classrooms.  My students really enjoy Elaine who comes to the Library. She reads to them, talks to them and organizes the library. She always has a smile and at Christmas she and Trish give me a Starbucks gift card. 

Felisa organizes our workroom (which has never looked better). Cabinets and drawers are marked and easy to use.  She asked me about good books to share her love of reading with the 4th grade student she works with.  She talked to me about the possibility of a bookmobile to go into communities. The energy directed at being part of the community is inspiring. The answer to many of the problems we face in a school is caring adults.

Your program has infused us with an army of support. My library is physically and emotionally a better place because of Shine. Thank you. Is it possible for us to attend a service one Sunday and show our appreciation?  It would be fun to come together. Let me know and I can organize it.”

On May 19, they did come.  We sang, we prayed, we took communion…together.

I used to think we’d never make a difference unless we had an army of people showing up to bring an all-out revolution at our school. Now I know that a handful of people (in our case, that’s 6), motivated by God’s unfathomably huge love, and willing to simply show up and share their lives, does indeed constitute an army; and the revolution happens because of the love being communicated through their small acts of service.

When was the last time you asked yourself, “What am I even doing here?” If you haven’t asked it recently, I challenge you to find a place you can show up with just your presence to offer. I believe you’ll find that the answer to this question is always, “SO much more than you think.”

Ephesians 3:20-21:

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

I have written often of my love for fishing our Northern New Mexico mountains. I consider them my home waters and in some cases, just a short hour long drive from my house, I can be knee deep in crystal clear cold water fishing for trout.

During the summer months, many of the streams can be busy places and why not? The proximity to Texas and more warmer climates to the south, make them a refuge for many visitors weary of the heat down below. 

Although I will cast a fly in some of the more popular streams in Northern New Mexico, I often frequent the wilderness.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

Psalm 46:1-3

It is in the wilderness I find peace, solitude and communion with God. And although I usually hit the wilderness waters a dozen times a year, it is only on rare occasion that I have seen another fisherman.

As I make my way down to the river, I hear its voice speaking to me from below as it’s waters tumble down the mountain. Other than the voice of the river, there isn’t another sound in the canyon. A group of mule deer browse quietly and they are mostly unaware or unconcerned with my presence.

As I get to the river, I look for the best holding water and slip quietly into the cold water. It’s summertime and temperatures are somewhere in the low 70’s in this high mountain country. It represents a perfect scenario for fly fishing for trout in the Southern Rockies.

With the orange stimulator and bead header dropper, my enticing combination is cast into the water. Instantly, a hungry brown trout attacks the fly. As I pull the trout in to my net, I am not surprised. It is never big on this small stream, yet it is wild and an intimate part of God’s creation. It is perfection on earth.

With the exception of the river tumbling over the rocks down the canyon, it is completely silent in the wilderness. There are no human voices, cars or other sounds to disturb this perfect version of God’s creation. But the river is still there. It is a deafening silence that is only broken by the sound of the river.

Our lives are at times like that, especially in those moments when we are unclear if God is speaking to us or even listening. But the reality is, God is always there and hears our prayers. We may only hear deafening silence as we go to Him in prayer. However, like the river, God is always there offering refuge to us in our time of need.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. – Psalm 46:1-3

Think back to your first day at college. For some of us it may be longer than we want to admit. It was a time of big changes in your life. You were no longer the “big” person on campus. There was a whole new schedule and vibe to college. And, to make matters worse, they expected you to study. For those that went off to college, you had the added challenge of a new city to navigate and no mother to cook your meals or do your laundry.

Now consider what it would be like if you were studying in a different country. You would have the extra challenges of having to adjust to a whole new culture, new foods and a new language. All of this with your support group thousands of miles away. You are particularly reminded of this as you step off the plane, sleep deprived, needing to find the campus and a place to live.

This is why International Students Inc. (ISI) exists—to share Christ's love with international college students during a time when they need it most. 

Since 1953, ISI has been training Americans to meet international students' needs. These Americans befriend international students and help them adjust to American culture. ISI staff and volunteers are working on 677 campuses across the country, including the University of New Mexico, to orient and acquaint international students to their new home and cultural experience.

In fact, many universities encourage students in their acceptance letter to reach out to ISI for assistance in acclimating.

In 2018 alone, the UNM ISI Team:

• Served 1,600 lunches,
• Picked up 120 students from the airport,
• Hosted 105 students for temporary homestays,
• Helped 65 students find housing,
• Helped 190 students get furniture for their apartments, and
• Hosted almost 300 students at the Welcome center.

ISI is touching the lives of countless students, helping them to settle into life in Albuquerque. But ISI’s reach does not stop there. Seventy students participated in hiking and sightseeing groups. Over 125 students were paired with Friendship Partners who meet at least monthly with the student to have fun and assist with life’s little challenges. Additionally, twenty-five students participated in Bible Studies, fifty students attended Home Groups and four made a profession of faith.

The impact of this work is multiplied when these students return home to share their faith, literally all over the world.

Maybe the coolest part of it all is that God lets us be a part of what he is doing. There are so many opportunities to get engaged, all with the opportunity to have some fun, meet some really interesting and energetic students, and to do something eternally meaningful. In fact, ISI will be looking for help in a number of ways, including:

• Picking students up at the airport,
• Hosting short-term home stays (2-5 nights) where you simply need to get the student to the Welcome Center each morning and pick them up a the end of the day,
• Assist student’s in finding an apartment,
• Picking up and delivering furniture,
• Organizing and leading hiking and sight-seeing trips,
• Become a Friendship Partner (monthly activities with the same student throughout their stay at UNM)
• Assisting with English classes,
• Donate meals or furniture, and
• Most importantly, you can pray.

All of this is starting now! Stan Schug and I get constant requests for volunteers. If you can help just let us know your interest and when you are available, we will help get you connected. If your not sure bring your questions to us, or better yet, join us on an ISI event—you won’t regret it.

I’m not much good at asking for help. Never have been. It’s not that I don’t need or don’t want it, it’s just a flaw in my character.  A flaw that afflicts my human relations, as well as my relationship with God.  I was taught self-reliance at an early age.  I was required to help provide for the family with a hunting rifle, a shotgun, fur traps, or a fishing pole from about age 8. In the mountains, Dad made me carry an emergency fire kit, flint and steel exclusively, for two years before I was allowed to carry matches or a lighter. 

Independence was not just encouraged, it was ingrained.  Later in life, I adopted a career requiring healthy doses of unconventional individualism, personal courage, service to others, and self-sufficiency.  “Keep it simple, Kenney. Go here, do that, come home alive.”

Needless to say, I grew up and have lived my life with the understanding that it was largely up to me. Even after becoming a Christian, I occasionally experienced difficulty in asking God for help.  Afterall, I reasoned, He built me with all the tools I needed to survive – it was up to me to use them correctly and ON me if I didn’t.

But that’s not what God says at all. In 2 Corinthians 3:5 Paul writes, “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God…”

"Even now,

at this point in my life,

God is teaching me His way. "

I’ve spent much of the last year learning that my complete self-reliance can conflict with God’s plan. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually I have been brought to my knees with realization after realization that I do need help, from time to time.  Sometimes it is professional help in the form of doctors and lawyers and such. Sometimes it is friends and buddies who refuse to take no for an answer, especially when I am being stubborn and somewhat of a jackalope.  Often it has been recognizing the role of my family supporting me vice my supporting them.  All of which, I see the hand of God manifest in.

In Corinthians 12:9, Paul again writes that Christ’s grace is sufficient and that His power is perfected in our weakness. Rarely have I seen those words be truer than in the past month.

Most recently, in recovering from hip surgery, every little thing that seemingly could go wrong has.  Vehicle repairs with both of our rigs that threatened to leave us stranded.  Mysterious, unidentified warning alarms incessantly toning from the bowels of our house at completely random times. Swamp cooler issues with no way to fix and no way to replace (imagine one man, two crutches, and a thirty-foot ladder).

What has amazed me during in this short snap-shot of life, is how blessed we are to live where and how we do.  God has placed in our lives people who are generous of their time, knowledge, and resources.  He has made me unable to do the things I normally would. The Lord has made me ask for help.

Picking up the phone and starting a conversation with “Listen, brother, I hate to ask this, but. . .” is a skill not practiced and therefore, not perfected.  It is, however, something I am getting better at.  And the Lord has provided His reinforcement of my humility. Whether it is those individuals who offer expert help in automotive adventures, or those who come over in the middle of the night at the drop-of-a-hat to find the low-voltage transformer screaming in a wall cavity, or whether it is those friends who spend their Independence Day with a screwdriver and a crane to fly a new swamp cooler to our roof and have it running in minutes.

None of these great, common people asked for a reward or for compensation. They just did.  Indeed, several may not even be Christians as you and I would recognize them to be.  However, each knew their role and each gave unselfishly of themselves.  In so doing, they taught me lessons about myself, God’s provision, and the trustworthiness of my friends and neighbors.

Even now, at this point in my life, God is teaching me His way.  In short, a little more humility and a little less bullheaded pride, goes a long way. Even for me.

Vacation Bible School… definitely sounds like something for the kids, but let me tell you, I grow so much from my experiences with it every year I get to participate. The theme is Power Up: Raise Your Game. It’s cool that we get to tie God’s word to something most kids are seeing or doing every single day.

While video games are being played after VBS by these awesome kiddos we’ve had here, I am praying that they remember the spoken truths that we talked about with them.

I was blessed to get to be the storyteller this year at VBS. You know, get up, give the big picture, and hopefully make the kids laugh a bit in the process.

I love telling stories, so this was definitely up my alley; I’ve discovered over the years that I’m a bit of a perfectionist in certain areas and that perfectionist really came out in me yesterday. I had worked hard to memorize all the lines so I could fully engage the kids and not be distracted from reading off a paper.

I was nervous but was doing my best to remember that God was still in control and I couldn’t mess this up- not really, anyway. Well, I got up there, started telling the story…and totally messed it up. I skipped lines all over the place, had to get back on track multiple times, etc. By the time I stepped off stage, I was really disappointed in myself. I couldn’t believe that I had messed up after all that practice!

Did the kids even learn anything? Did any of it make sense? How could I have done this? I went back up to the office to get some work done and while I sat in the quiet, I started praying. Pretty sure it was mostly a pity party prayer, not gonna lie. But God was so gracious and He spoke to me in my frustration. Kind of felt like He was basically saying, “Sarah, you do remember what you just told the kids right? You just told them where our real power comes from. Yet here you are, trying to be powerful on your own without me.” Ouch. That hit hard, but it was a truth I needed to hear. I had gotten up to encourage those kids to turn to God for their power all while I was relying on my OWN strength to get me through the story telling.

It’s neat that we can take a week to really focus on God. We’re answering questions from the kids, making sure we’re giving an example, but we’re also trying to be really honest with these guys. They’re incredibly receptive and are eager to soak up whatever they can. So what is a better way to encourage them than to admit that we still mess up and still need God’s strength to get us through? I’ve gotten to see several adults doing that with the kids already and it encourages me to do the same.

To let go of the pride and let God be glorified through my mess.

Of course, since that’s the last thing the Enemy wants me to do, he is going to be trying his hardest to distract me from the truth, to tempt me to put my eyes back on myself instead of God, and get those seeds of doubt planted in my heart. The awesome thing, though, is that I know he’s going to be doing this. So now I know how to prepare myself for that battle: by stepping back and remembering where my true power comes and letting God be the strength inside me.

Definitely easier said than done, but, just as we’ve been teaching the kids here at VBS, “God’s power gives us everything we need to lead a Godly life.” 2 Peter 1:3a (NIRV)