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“It's a risk. You let people into your house, make them feel welcome; what if they don't leave!”

This was my husband's tongue-in-cheek answer to the question:

What are your thoughts on hospitality?

Maybe hospitality is risky?

The introvert in me wonders if the guests will overstay their welcome and asks, “what if we don’t have anything to talk about”?  

The perfectionist in me asks “what if my house or cooking isn't up to snuff?”

The busy in me says, “There's just not enough time.”

These ponderings may feel valid but Scripture leads us to think in a way that is radically different:

At the beginning of Romans chapter 12 Paul beseeches us, his brethren, to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, not being conformed to the world, but having a renewed mind. He then goes on to instruct us on what this looks like. In verse 13 he says we should be given to hospitality.

Hospitality is a catalyst for relationship. It has eternal value. It is worth the risk.

When our family traveled to India last March to bring home our youngest son, we brought along our long-time friend, Donna. She helped us navigate the city and introduced us to friends she had made while living in India years before.

Donna's hospitable friends welcomed us into their home. Ravi served fresh-squeezed orange juice purchased from the neighborhood vendor. Caitlyn made pizzas, generously sharing the *real* cheese that is so hard to come by in India. They shared stories of how Christ is working through Genesis of Hope and Cooperative Outreach of India, organizations begun by their family. They asked for prayer.

What if Ravi and Caitlyn hadn't been willing to risk hospitality?  They could have simply shaken our hands at a Sunday morning church service or met us for a meal at a restaurant. But by inviting us into their home they communicated a willingness to invite us into their lives. That willingness has led to a relationship that God can ultimately use to further His Kingdom; a relationship that encourages and challenges us and makes us aware that hospitality may be risky, but done with the right heart, has eternal value.

Hospitality is the fruit of a transformed mind. Let God handle the risk and act in faith.

Good wives and mothers have perfectly kept homes, right?

Their children never act out, and definitely never in public. They never argue, are never disrespectful to the adults around them. They are perfectly obedient. Right?

Good wives and mothers prepare fully nutritious, perfectly balanced hot meals three times a day, and never repeat a meal in a single month.

Their homes are always perfectly ready for a Pinterest or Instagram photoshoot, and so are their families.

The children are never dirty, even when they have spent an afternoon playing in the dirt and mud. Somehow, that just magically slides off their designer clothing (bought on deep clearance from a super-secret online warehouse!) like the little darlings were made of Teflon or maybe Scotch-guard.

Good moms never raise their voices, certainly not in public, because their children would never dream of misbehaving!

What on earth does this have to do with hospitality?! I’m so glad you asked! This mental image of “good wife and mother” affected every area of my life as a young homemaker. That’s the image I desperately wanted to convey. Especially when we had company. When our children were little, we seldom invited people over. When we did, WonderMom would come crashing down on our little family. I cleaned for HOURS like a madwoman. But not just me, even our small children were expected to carry their own weight! I cooked and cleaned. But I wasn’t content to leave it there. I yelled and used biting sarcasm to get my point across. With preschoolers. And my husband.

By the time our guests arrived, I was worn out, irritated, and feeling that “why do I have to do everything around here?!” feeling (even though I had clearly NOT done everything). Which is the worst place in the world for an introvert to be when people are ringing the doorbell.

Which begs the question: Why am I, of all people, writing a blog post about hospitality?! Because God has changed my heart toward hospitality and the expectations I put on myself. As time has passed, I have changed much in this regard. Pretty much done a complete turn-around. Praise God! You see, WonderMom is gone.

What false ideal is keeping you from having people over, or making “hospitality” feel more like “hostility” within your home?

So what changed? A few things, really. First, I realized that WonderMom is just AngryMom in lipstick and high heels. And AngryMom is just ScaredMom being loud. I was scared that I was failing. I had some pretty serious things going on, health-wise. I also had three very small daughters, ranging from 8 month to 4 years. Our extended family was far away. And I was home alone with no friends physically close enough for me to visit easily. And I was tired. So tired. But like a wounded cat, I didn’t want anyone to know how I was struggling.

Second, I realized that the White Glove Brigade wasn’t actually coming to my house. My fears were unfounded. Having small children is a uniquely exhausting season for a lot of people. The small ones take so much time, energy, and effort. They just do. The house can wait. For many, it does! It waits while the littles “help clean” as mama trains them for future chores. It waits while mama hoses off muddy little bodies in the back yard. It waits while mama is up in the middle of the night with night feedings, teething, colic, fevers, stomach flu, and nightmares. Mama does what she can, when she can, and the rest just goes undone. That is normal. And it is perfectly fine.

So, how do we “do” hospitality, now that ScaredMom is no longer running the show?

Four basic things, I think…

We have routines that keep the house mostly under control:

The children are older, and “helping” has become chores that they are quite adept at doing without my direct supervision. BUT, I do NOT clean like a madwoman any more. I run the vacuum, spot mop or do a full mop if it’s been particularly muddy outside, and make sure the kitchen is clean enough. The children take care of their chores, and we call it “good enough”. Generally, our house looks a little bit better than “everyday” but not a lot.

We declare certain areas “off limits”:

Our dog is HUGE and intimidating to some children. He’s also not the most welcoming host. So, he gets locked up and that part of the house is off limits. Also, as our girls are entering the teenage years, we declare the upstairs “off limits” when we have mixed company that includes similar-aged boys. Our upstairs is pretty much only bedrooms and bathrooms. That’s just inviting temptation.

We try not to kill or maim any visitors:

This is where I DO stress a bit. Food allergies and curious toddlers. Food allergies are real and can be deadly. I take them seriously. In fact, I have been known to text a picture of the ingredients list to the mom while I am in the grocery store. Better safe than sorry. Curiosity is normal in toddlers. My hobbies include some sharp and pointy objects. (Which for some reason are generally also brightly colored.) I put my scissors, knitting needles, crochet hooks and such out of reach when I know small children will be in my home.

We stick to the budget:

Our resources are finite. Our time, our energy, our money, even our relationships are all limited. We must steward those well. We try to be mindful of what else may be going on that week and how that affects our resources. We then plan accordingly. Maybe it means inviting someone over a week later, or changing the menu, or altering when chores happen. This one is probably the one where we still have the farthest to go, particularly from the time and energy management aspects. I still have ongoing health issues and cannot be sure how I will be energy-level-wise at any given time. We do our best, but it’s often an inexact science.

What has been the result of this new, more relaxed hospitality? Well, we have people over more often! I am kinder to my family. I enjoy the time with people more. Our friendships are more genuine. I can help other struggling moms as I have been open about my own struggles. I am less isolated. One benefit that I never saw coming – we’re invited into other people’s homes more! Even spur of the moment. Other moms are less worried that I’m going to “judge” them for the state of their home – after all, they have seen that I have no room to judge!

What does this have to do with you? WonderMom was my challenge. Maybe she’s yours, too. Maybe not.

What false ideal is keeping you from having people over, or making “hospitality” feel more like “hostility” within your home? Does that ideal actually carry water? Or is it just the enemy’s way of keeping you from obeying the Lord’s call to open your home?

Know this – we all long for genuine friendships, ones where our secrets are known and safe, where we are loved in spite of (and sometimes even because of) our struggles. We cannot be genuine friends when one of us is presenting an ideal as reality. My challenge to you is this – let others see your family as you truly live. It can be scary, but oh, it’s worth it!

Your job, five-days a week, is to instruct a group of 27 to 35 pupils under the age of ten.  Many of them live in safe homes and have wonderful support from their parents.  However, at least half of those students show up without having had breakfast.  Several of them couldn’t do their homework over the weekend because they lost their pencil in the car in which they live. Several others are sleep-deprived, having been pulled out of their homes late at night by CYFD.  Others woke up to an empty house and return to that same empty house at the end of the school day; and so, no one sees their math test or helps them with their spelling words. Several do not own clothes that fit them.

You are held responsible for the academic progress of these students.

"To enter another’s life and carry their burdens with them is an act that speaks so loudly of the love of our Savior, who entered our lives and took our burdens upon Himself."

Not only that, but studies show that you are traumatized by your students’ trauma. The black eye that stares at you from the third row, the emaciated frame that slumps over in the second, the red-tear-stained face that blinks at you from the fourth…you take them all home at night. Though you cannot fix their situations, you cannot simply walk away from them. Each one becomes uniquely yours when they step into your classroom; and when they hurt, you hurt.

This is the reality for many teachers in APS Title 1 schools.  Click here to read, "Teacher Turnover in NM is High. Here’s How We Fix It." an article detailing, from a teacher’s perspective, what a lonely job it can be.

We have been so blessed with the opportunity to support A. Montoya’s teachers over the past three years. This year, we are hoping to send a personalized note of thanks to each and every teacher.  Click here to partner with us as we join our teachers in the incredible and challenging jobs they face by signing up to write to them. It goes a long way to encourage the heart of a hard-working individual who invests so deeply in our community.

To enter another’s life and carry their burdens with them is an act that speaks so loudly of the love of our Savior, who entered our lives and took our burdens upon Himself.

Easter is upon us. Are you eager to celebrate this Resurrection Sunday? Or is Easter this year just another of those ‘special’ Sundays that come around every so often? I’ll confess this year Easter has kind of crept up and I haven’t reflected and prepared like I should have, or even as I’d like to have. I have found that taking a little time to remember can go a long way to restoring my eagerness to celebrate.

A great Easter memory, and reminder for me, was our first Easter in Russia. We found the Russian people in general to be stoic and cynical; not open to displaying much emotion, unless it was anger. But at church on Easter Sunday, people were rushing around greeting one another with “Christ is risen!” and the response “He is risen indeed!” The greeting and response were very familiar, but the enthusiasm with which it was delivered, and the expressions of joy on those faces were at once startling and infectious.

"Praise Him that He thinks

each of us are worth that cost!"

Having the freedom to express themselves in such ways was still relatively new to these Russian believers and so they took advantage of the opportunity – with gusto!

Having enjoyed such freedom for my entire life I was a little taken aback at the excitement of my fellow believers. Then I realized that I was in danger of being complacent. Complacent at the death, burial and resurrection of the very Son of God?!?! How could that be? Yet it is so easy to become complacent, to be satisfied and comfortable with the way things are. To take for granted the privilege we have to celebrate Easter Sunday.

Remembering that Good Friday and Easter Sunday are inexorably intertwined is perhaps the greatest way to avoid complacency in this season.

Remembering that Jesus died for my sins, and not just died but died in the most horrible way, bearing guilt and shame He did not deserve, suffering separation from His Father; this prepares my heart and mind for Easter.

Remembering that He did this knowing full well who and what I was before He transformed me and recognizing He would have done if I were the only sinner in the world humbles my spirit and fills my heart with gratitude for my Savior and my God!

I hope you can come and worship with the MCC family on Good Friday evening. What a great opportunity to remember what Christ has done for you and at what great cost. Praise Him that He thinks each of us are worth that cost! And in that worship and remembering may your heart be truly prepared to celebrate the wondrous resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday.

Tozer said:

"Complacency is the deadly enemy of spiritual progress. The contented soul is the stagnant soul." 

Don’t let yourself be complacent about Easter. Remember! Rejoice!

Am I a reluctant volunteer, or do I like to decide what I prefer to do for the Lord? Is my serving about pleasing me, or am I being obedient in serving the Lord where ever He is at work? Many times I have asked myself these hard questions. Over the years I have either volunteered or been asked to do many things in the churches we’ve attended.

However, Sunday School and Vacation Bible School were two areas that I deliberately avoided, justifying that I was not gifted to be a teacher. We raised five kids, and I loved working with them -and now the grandchildren. In fact, I still enjoy working one on one with any kid; watching their minds expand with excitement learning about life and Jesus. While I adore kids individually, I just don’t want a herd of them at one time. Thus, I carefully avoided VBS for many years.

"We built memories with the kids and increased our reliance on the Lord that week."

Little did I know that my lifetime withdrawal from VBS was to be overcome when the Lord brought us to Mountain Christian Church after a move from California. Conviction soon followed with what I thought was a safe volunteering opportunity for me as part of the VBS prayer team. I like to pray; I believe in it and appreciate that MCC undergirds our VBS teachers and kids in prayer. Two days into the week of praying I was hooked with stories of how God was working in the lives of the kids, their parents, and the workers, and how the Lord was covering all the mishaps and emergencies.

The following year I was planning on signing up again to support the VBS week in prayer. Then came Nicole Barker and Paul Brouse walking toward us with those big confident smiles of theirs, and Paul saying that they had the “perfect fit” for Don and I helping with VBS.  Perfect fit sounded good and after all I really trusted both Nicole and Paul. Little did I know that what they had in mind was an important part in a ‘cave’ – and with dialogue. Not exactly my idea of a comfort zone; but we were willing to trust the Lord to equip us. Kids loved the cave, but no one had more fun than we did! We built memories with the kids and increased our reliance on the Lord that week.

I was still finding it difficult to say no to Paul again last year with his “we need you” approach to our working with crafts. Sure, I’ve done crafts over the years but not in a large group; and Don does woodworking not crafts. This was not where I would have volunteered. Yet as the week unfolded, I knew that Paul and Nicole had placed us exactly where God wanted to use us, and I still got to interact one on one with the kids. I’ve learned that neither my older years nor infirmities need to hold me back from having fun, and enjoying the satisfaction that comes from investing in the lives of the precious kids that come to MCC’s VBS. I fondly remember the hugs from some of the kids that were hugging us just because we were there.

Well another year is coming up, and soon Nicole and Paul will be at it again looking for people who love the Lord and want families to be enriched with God’s good news through VBS. So, it’s time to ask myself, ‘am I willing to be placed where God wants to use me?’

I don’t want to just volunteer for VBS. I want to experience it all: the joy of seeing both kids and parents experience Jesus anew; the excitement of getting to know how the Lord is working; the tiredness; how everything comes together beyond all the planning; and I want to be used in the comfort zone of God and not of my choosing.

Click here to learn more about MCC's 2019 VBS: Power Up! and sign up to volunteer!