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“It’s like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die”.

I don’t know who said that.  But they hit the nail on the head.

It had been 2 years since our falling-out.  By the way, “falling-out” is a strange term for hurting one another and ending a friendship.  Neither of us really “fell” out of anything.  We both made deliberate steps away from the other.  So I guess “walking out” is more what we did.  We walked out of one another’s lives.

Two years passed. To be honest, not a day passed that I hadn’t thought about the incident.  I replayed it in my mind several times a day.  I looked at it from every angle (minimizing, of course, the angles that made it look like my fault).  I thought of all the things I wish I’d have said at the time.  I’ll let you guess how many of those ideas included compassionate, gracious words.  (Hint: Less than 1). I hate to admit this to you.  This thing consumed my thought life for most of my waking hours.  I’d done a great job justifying all my actions….especially the action I was currently taking, which was having nothing to do with my former friend.  So essentially, I’d spent over 700 days re-living an experience and compounding my anger.  She tried to reach out a couple times, and I would give some high-sounding, proud response that was meant to communicate that I was holier than she.  And then I’d get even more angry.

I’m not proud of it.  I wasn’t proud of it then.  But I owe you the truth.

So this was the state of my heart and mind as I dove into Women’s Bible Study that fall.  My group was meeting in the library at MCC, a place I’d not ever spent much time.  Every Wednesday, we’d get together and pore over scripture, life, and that week’s lesson.  And every Wednesday, during those lovely discussions, I’d glance up to see that book sitting proudly on the shelf.

Choosing Forgiveness was the title, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Week after week, I glanced up there and glanced away.

Yet another confession: I’d believed that going to Bible study would basically just make me feel better.  You know…I just needed to be reminded that Jesus loves me and whatnot.  I just needed to reaffirm my identity in Christ…right?

Pretty soon, our study turned to the subject of…you guessed it…forgiveness.

At that point, I was pretty miserable.  I had actually tried really hard to stop focusing so much on this person and our “walking-out”.  I’d memorized scripture.  I was in the midst of memorizing all of John 1, and I’d recite and memorize more every single time I started thinking over the incident.  As you can imagine, I was memorizing at an alarming rate.

During our discussion that day, I sort of confessed that I had an issue with forgiveness.  I was miserable, and knew something had to change.  I asked everyone in my group HOW to forgive someone.  They were so sweet and kind to listen patiently as I complained and whined about how I’d tried “everything” and just couldn’t seem to let it go.  They gave me great advice, but I didn’t hear an answer I liked.

I did, however, decide to check out that book.  I did it rather grudgingly, because you know…I’d already tried everything.  I just knew there couldn’t possibly be any new ideas in there that hadn’t occurred to me in 2 years.  And you know - I was so holy and everything…what could this Nancy lady have to say to me that I didn’t already know?  But hey…it was worth a shot.  Again…I was still miserable.

A couple days after I checked out the book, I got pretty sick.  I found myself with lots of time to sit and read.  And sit and read, I did.

“Has the clock stopped in your life?  Was there a moment when someone or something hurt you - and everything changed?

…Ever since, the story of your life has been to recapture your loss and seek your revenge, either through outright action or the withholding of love and affection.”

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness

Yeah - it’s like she knew me…like she’d seen my thoughts those last 2 years.  A better and less creepy explanation is that un-forgiveness is pretty common to the human experience.

That quote is from the introduction to the book, as is this one:

“There is life and health and a whole new world outside the dark, musty walls of hurt and disillusionment behind which you have barricaded your heart.  God wants to give you the grace to move on…He wants to set you free.”

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness

What a contrast, right? I was riveted.  I finally wanted this freedom more than I wanted my anger or vengeance.  That’s when things really began to change.

I want to be very clear about one thing here.  This book did not change my life.  God, through His word, changed my life.  Nancy Leigh DeMoss helped me immensely by presenting scripture relevant to this issue in a way that helped me admit to my problem and address it Biblically.  Reading this book was like going on a walk with a godly confidant.  I committed to following through on all of her suggested activities.  I took pages of notes.  And I prayed that God would write His truth on my heart, that I would not forget it and find myself in this place again.

And do you know what else I did?  I apologized to my former friend.  For real.  I made the choice to obey God and forgive her for her contribution to the “walking out”.  I confessed my contribution and asked forgiveness for it.  And in doing so, I walked out of the prison I’d built for myself two years prior.  I stopped drinking the poison. And Satan lost a huge foothold in my life.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough.  You may not be struggling with un-forgiveness right now; but we humans hurt each other.  We do it a lot.  Chances are good that you and I will find ourselves in the place where bitterness and anger feel like friends.  Choosing Forgiveness is a fantastic tool that will Biblically equip you for those days.

I’ll leave you with one more quote from the book:

“Forgiveness is not a method to be learned as much as a truth to be lived”

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness

I genuinely hope that you’ll find the freedom of living the truth of forgiveness through God’s grace…maybe with the help of Nancy’s book.

I’m incredibly blessed to have had many people pour into my life over the years. I want to share about three very different women and how they have each transformed my faith!

Most girls can attest to the fact that their mothers had a big impact on their life; I know that mine certainly did! It wasn’t always having deep conversations or reading the bible together, most moments I remember were simply watching her live her life out for Christ. The way she loved, the way she offered grace, and the way that nothing was so important that she couldn’t pause to listen to me; even if I was only telling her something silly at five years of age. I got to do dishes by her side, helped her clean, and learned what it looked like to be a woman of God; a maiden warrior for the kingdom of heaven (which, by the way, is as epic as it sounds). I watched her stumble, heard humility in her repentance, and saw as she got back up and kept going.

You might wonder how watching my mom walk out her faith actually impacted me for Christ? It's true, we weren’t always talking about the Bible or doing studies together. What I learned from my mom, what I felt and experienced in our bond was just as important; the power of relationship. Just like Christ wants to have a relationship with us, my mother demonstrated (and still does) how that relationship looks. That God is never too busy to hear my plea, no matter the time of day. That my loving Father smiles and laughs with joy when I dance in the kitchen or the field or sing praises to Him. She showed me that He is always there, always ready to listen, and always guiding me if I rely on Him. Because she proved herself to me in the little things, she was able to prove herself in the big things, like talking about Jesus and why I needed a Savior from my sins. I am so grateful for my mom; especially as she continues to impact, challenge, and encourage me in my faith daily.

There are two other women who have also transformed my faith; both are sisters, one by blood and one by Christ. My sister, Rebecca, has been one of my best friends since high school. If we go a week without getting some good one on one time with a cup of tea and passing the baby back and forth (because, you know, snuggles), we feel a bit empty. The connection with this woman and sister of mine is amazing to me because I know that only Christ could have transformed us from bickering siblings to best friends! He truly is the one that gave me a change of heart in regards to my sister, started the bond between us, and continues to pull us together. She’s a fellow warrior. Sometimes we’re fighting side by side on the spiritual battlefield. Sometimes she’s guarding me from the arrows of the enemy while I kneel in exhaustion from the fight, listening as she whispers verses and truth in my ear.

There’s something uniquely special about having a sibling following Christ next to you; the fearless ways they speak in truth and love. It’s like they know you’re not going to leave them and there’s a security about the relationship. There have been many times when Rebecca was far more willing to speak a hard truth than to allow me to continue to wallow in self-pity or anger. Did I like it? Nope, but I always came back and appreciated it later. By the grace of God, the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and the prayers offered up for me by said sister, I always come around. I think it’s because, just like my mother, she has made a point to be in relationship with me. She’s never failed to be there for me- even if all she could do at the moment was let me know she was praying for me. She’s never been afraid to step in and help me fight my battles whether by encouragement or boldly pointing out the lies that I’ve been listening to. She is truly my sister, in every possible way, by blood and by Christ.

The courage she presents and the strength she possesses inspire me, daily, to live my life for Christ and Him alone. To continue growing myself, to push past what the world deems ‘ok’ and instead strive for what God says is ‘good’. To run the race with diligence so I may hear one day, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’. I think I’d like to keep her around, always.

And my sister in Christ, Desarae. While we may live states apart, God has given us an incredible connection. While visiting Desarae and her family in Quitaque, Texas a few years ago, my spiritual life changed forever. There was something about Desarae, something about her family. I felt right at home the moment I stepped through the door. When I got to participate in their Sunday night prayer meeting, God opened my eyes to what it feels like to be intimately connected to people I’d only met 15 minutes before. To experience the overwhelming love of Christ being poured into you by strangers is one of the most incredible things that has ever happened to me. That night at the prayer meeting I sobbed. Yes, sobbed, in front of strangers. Their response was to surround me in love and grace.

All this came about because a woman named Desarae, whose heart is so full of love for others, reached out and wanted to be my friend. God placed Desarae in my life during a time I desperately needed the love she had to offer. I had been incredibly hurt just a couple years prior, a wound that cut deep. I had attempted patching it over, stuffing it down, and trying my best to ignore it. Desarae was the friend that was able to wrap me in a hug and help me see that my brokenness was nothing to be ashamed of. That I didn’t have to be strong in the hurt and the pain. I just needed to let God hold me and heal me.

Besides that, she invested in me. Despite the distance, she has worked hard to maintain our friendship. To encourage and pray for me when I’m down and to allow me to do the same for her. She has become a true friend, a sister in Christ, and has given me a friendship that will last through eternity.

I could go on for hours about these amazing women in my life and the countless others who have impacted my life in some way or another. However, I picked these three to share about because there is one common thread between them that I think is really important: relationship. Through my unique relationships with these women God has been showing me that I don't have to do it all of be it all. I often get overwhelmed at the idea that I have to be everything to a person. That I have to always have the right thing to say or do when someone needs me. But the beautiful truth God is showing me in all this is that I don’t. Sometimes I get to be a part of someone’s story for only one chapter. Maybe even only a sentence. Perhaps for some, I get to be part of the entire book. It’s easy to get caught up in what we think we have to be doing in order to shine a light or make an impact in someone’s life. It can be exhausting to think and believe that. Yet I’m encouraged as I read through God’s word and learn about all these different men & women in history. How each one was unique and different and yet still used for the Kingdom of God and His glory. Not a single one “did it all”- except a man named Jesus who did do it all by conquering sin and death.

To my three mighty warrior maidens, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to love me right where I was at while encouraging me to grow. Thank you for showing me friendship in so many ways. Thank you for pointing me back to Christ every single day but never looking down on me when I struggled to move in that direction. Most importantly, thank you for striving to be like Christ, remaining humble through it all, and loving others like He loves us.

If you are struggling to find a sister in Christ we'd invite you to visit our Women's Ministry page and get plugged in at MCC. We have women's Bible Studies, a new Titus 2 Women's Disciplship program, and quarterly women's gatherings. There is a place for you and we'd love for you to join us!

It brought a peace I was not expecting.

Who knew that a 6-hour financial class could bring years of peace? Not me. I wasn’t expecting that at all. After all, I was the one being dragged there by an eager spouse. I was convinced that a budget would never work after watching my parents try and fail numerous times growing up. But something needed to change, big time, so I went.

Von and I were a pretty typical American Christian couple, loving God but living the world’s way financially. We both grew up in lower-middle-class families, and felt like we were pretty frugal. We didn’t buy extravagant things, but we had just gotten out of college and felt like we “should be able to afford” some luxuries that we hadn’t had during the college years. So now we had a car payment, two mortgages on the same house, and student loans. Ah, the American Dream! But we also were now down to one income since baby #1 arrived. We were really struggling to pay the monthly bills, let alone the emergencies that kept popping up. Just thinking about paying the bills raised my blood pressure; talking about it was another problem entirely.

Let’s be honest, marriage is hard enough; add in a baby and financial stress, and peace is gone.

So as surprising as it was, Living Debt Free Workshop brought us a peace we never expected. You might wonder how. How? Well first, it made us realize that the money isn’t ours, it’s God’s. He’s entrusted it to us to take care of us and to bless others. When it’s not yours, it takes a little pressure off. I don’t have to hold on so tight because it belongs to my Father who loves me!

Secondly, it made us look at real numbers and figure out what our income really was and what our expenses really were. Our needs versus our wants, and the bottom line. While that sounded scary at first, not knowing and always guessing caused far more fear! Asking, will I be able to pay for this? The first time I wrote a check to pay for yet another trip to the shop for our old van, and I KNEW that there was money in the account to pay for it, was my “ah ha” moment! Peace had arrived!

Thirdly, it allowed us to choose where to put the money that God had entrusted us with, to use it most efficiently and generously. That ability to choose was huge! And to know that the choice wasn’t permanent, but could be changed as needs changed, while still keeping within our means. And because of this ability to choose, we were able to be more generous and debt started falling away. That was peace right there!

Lastly, talking about money was no longer an emotionally charged blame game. We were now a team, working together on solving a problem, and dreaming together. Ok, this may sound weird, but we actually LIKE talking about money now. Crazy, right?! Peace, once again.

After we saw the change in our lives, we had to share it! So, about 13 years ago we started teaching financial bible studies and classes, and have had the privilege of working one-on-one with singles and couples to help them along the same journey. We would love to share this peace with you!

If you are looking for some Biblical financial tools for 2020, we would like to invite you to join us for the Living Debit Free Workshop on February 1 from 9:00am – 3:00pm in the MCC Fellowship Hall! Practical topics including what the Bible says about money, how to set up a spending plan, saving, debit payoff, and more! Lunch and child care provided! Sign up in the foyer or contact me, Elisa, to learn more!

Throughout my life God has blessed me with strong mentors. Each has exercised influence in different ways, at different times and on different aspects of my life. Some have taught me about life, some have taught me how to treat others, some have helped me with my professional development, while others have taught me the simple joy of fly-fishing. Each have helped make me who I am. In some cases the mentoring involved a deliberate process of instruction, practice, evaluation and discipline. Examples include my father and my research advisor in graduate school. Other mentoring has been much more informal--learning by osmosis as I observed the actions and reactions of my mentor.

Although my father has been the most influential person in my life I want to talk about a more informal influence. One that occurred at a critical juncture in my life. Within a few days of getting married, I whisked Penny off to Tucson to start graduate school. We knew no one. But upon visiting Mountain Road Church of Christ we were quickly adopted. Ed and Joann made a practice of gathering up young students and providing a sense of extended family.

It all started with simple hospitality. Ed and Joann opened their house on a weekly basis for bible study and fellowship. Although they were empty nesters, they were in the practice of collecting kids. Most weeks saw 20 plus students descending on their house. It was warm and welcoming with goodies to eat. In fact, there were times when Ed and Joann were traveling and would just give one of us the keys to open the house.

The focus was on the Word of God. The ultimate purpose for our gathering was to study God’s Word together. Every week we worked from the Bible. Ed would have a prepared lesson. Lessons were designed to evoke discussion. Through the discussion he would challenge us to dig deeper, exercise our understanding and confront disagreements and misunderstandings. Although an elder and able-bible-scholar he was slow to force his knowledge on us, rather he encouraged us to think, question and discover.

That which was not spoken is what spoke most loudly. I learned a lot from Ed and Joann’s teaching, but I learned more just observing their actions. They spoke with their time. Ed and Joann genuinely cared for Penny and I. They cared enough to invest their time and talent in us. This got my attention. They spoke with their marriage. They modeled a marriage grounded in God. How they talked about each other, how they responded to one another, their funny and serious life stories all provided a model that Penny and I could relate to and wanted to emulate. They spoke through a servant’s heart. Although a vice-president of a very large defense contractor, Ed was much more comfortable serving in the church and community. Most importantly, he and Joann spoke through their faith. Their faith was evident in every action they took, in the way they treated others and in the priorities that they set for their lives.

God placed Ed and Joann in our lives at a critical juncture. It wasn’t so much that Penny and I were just married and away from home; rather, it was this point in life that we were left with the decision to make our Faith our own. Would I just go through the motions of being a Christian or would I commit my life to my Lord and Savior. Ed and Joann provided a tangible model beyond that of my parents. I liked what I saw and wanted that for my life. Not that I wanted to be like Ed and Joann; rather, they taught me to want to pursue a relationship with God. Although Ed passed many years ago his passion and commitment continue to encourage me to this day.

When we serve others, something really cool happens. Something small, yet significant. Something that you don’t expect and really don’t get anywhere else. It’s a small glow inside that sparks love… only it’s a different kind of love than the world is used to. It’s not romantic, it’s not selfish, and it doesn’t have strings attached, it’s not even the familia type love; it’s deeper than that. It’s the kind of love that takes your breath away just by thinking about it and realizing all that it has accomplished. It’s the eternal love that can only come from Christ. It is different than any other kind of love because while we possess it, it’s not something we grow ourselves. It’s something we’ve been given and are to give freely. It’s nothing we can selfishly hold onto, as if it’s our decision on who gets it. It is supposed to run wild and free as we interact with those around us; and the best way to unlock it? To serve others and let it flow.

Think about which brings more joy and peace: doing the things you want to do or serving others selflessly? Our first response might be “doing the things you want to do!” But what if we could see the impact of serving others, all the tendrils that stretch out when we serve? I think we’d be rushing to do it far more often, not seeing it as an obligation but a joy. A joy multiplied at that! You see, our serving others never impacts just one person. It reaches far beyond our imagination and proves again and again just how amazing the love of Christ is.

You may think you’re blessing a single individual when you’ve served them in some way, but consider Psalm 119: 90,

“Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth and it stands fast.”

And Psalm 102:18,

“Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord.” (emphasis mine)

Christ’s love doesn’t just affect our generation, but generations yet to be created! When I think about that verse, one particular person is brought to mind: my mom’s Granny. This woman impacted generations by serving others around her. Most importantly for me, she impacted my mother and set an amazing example of how to live for Christ. She’s one of those people that I look forward to meeting someday in heaven. I could tell you so many stories about her that have been told to me by mom… and I can’t wait to share those stories with the next generation, just like the verse Psalms said. Because the fact is, my mom has had an amazing opportunity to share Christ’s love to continue that impact forward because of the example Granny set for her.

Most of you have heard about and may even be praying for my Great-Aunt Becky who is dealing with lung cancer, but some of you may not know about my mother’s involvement with it. My Aunt Becky isn’t related to us by blood. She married into the family and has no kids. When her husband died, she moved back to ABQ to be closer to us and her friends here. With the new diagnosis of cancer just this year, my mom stepped up to help with driving, prepping food, etc. When my aunt hit a low point in health and energy, my mom pretty much moved in with her to be able to help her with daily living.

I got to witness all this first hand and yes, it impacted me. More importantly, it impacted my aunt. Just two weeks ago she accepted Christ as her Savior! It was an incredibly joyous day for us, and we’re still praising God for His goodness through the pain. My mom continues serving and while my Aunt Becky may have been the recipient of this serving, it also made an impression on her friends, neighbors, and old coworkers who saw a woman, unrelated by blood, step in to help and serve selflessly. I’m praying that the impact of that reaches their hearts, too, that they may also know this amazing love both inside and out.

So how are we jumping in and serving this year? What might 2020 look like for you? How are our prayers, lives and examples impacting the generations to come? When we give of ourselves and die to self, it’s a beautiful picture of what Christ did for us. All the more reason to jump into it joyfully and with the awe inspiring humility of feeling that incredible love flow through us to others.