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Last fall, my husband hesitantly mentioned that some guys from church were planning a weekend away to play golf, and they’d asked him to come. Before I could tell him I thought it was a great idea, he started to list all the reasons he probably shouldn’t go. He didn’t want to leave me to parent solo for a whole weekend. It was baseball season, and he’d miss our sons’ games that Saturday. He wouldn’t be able to help with this or that around the house.

I was grateful for him considering our family, but that conversation gave me pause. Why did my husband seem to think he’d be letting our family down if he spent a weekend with friends?

New Day for Dads

Over the last few decades, I’ve noticed growing emphasis in conservative evangelical churches on men demonstrating servant leadership through practical help in the home. Dads change diapers and rock fussy babies. They wash dishes and fold laundry. They spend their evenings and weekends at home with their families, playing with their children and giving their wives a break.

This tracks with wider cultural trends. Compared to dads in 1965, today’s dads spend about triple the time caring for their children each week and more than double the time on household chores. These are welcome changes.

But at the same time, male friendship has declined significantly. Men report having half as many close friends as they did 30 years ago. Of course, declining male friendship is multifaceted—men don’t have fewer friends simply because they’re helping more at home. But I wonder if there’s a connection. As both church and culture have encouraged men to take on more practical responsibilities in the family, have we unintentionally discouraged men from taking time to cultivate friendships?

An Unnecessary Love?

In some spheres of life, we affirm that a man being away from home is part of a larger good. It’s good for him to go to work and earn income to provide for his family or go to the doctor for a checkup to maintain his health. Those are assumed to be necessary uses of his time, worth being away from home for.

But when a man takes time to go to a football game with his brother or play a round of golf with a friend, we tend to think of it as optional recreation. Sure, it’d be nice for Dad to have fun once in a while, but only if it doesn’t leave Mom with the kids too long. We can slide into thinking of a man’s time as a zero-sum game in which spending time with friends means taking something away from his wife and children.

Perhaps we instinctively understand C. S. Lewis’s observation in The Four Loves that friendship is the least “necessary” of loves. He explains, “Without Eros none of us would have been begotten and without Affection none of us would have been reared; but we can live and breed without Friendship.” We understand that marriage and child-rearing are foundational to human existence and to our responsibility as believers to fulfill the creation mandate.

Without friendship, we may be able to physically survive, but that doesn’t mean we can spiritually thrive. Lewis goes on to explain that while friendship “has no survival value . . . it is one of those things which give value to survival.” He says that friendship is God’s “instrument for creating as well as revealing” beauty in us. And it exhibits a glorious nearness to heaven because it “increases the fruition which each has of God.” Friendship with other believers helps us become more like Christ and know him better.

And if that’s true, then a man spending time with friends has the potential to be a blessing to his family, not a burden, as Samuel James has argued:

Christian men need to see how their obligations of love and loyalty to one another are deeply connected to their roles as husbands and fathers. Your friends are not merely a “break” from home. Rather, in Christian friendship, love and solidarity are shaping you in a way that will reverberate in the hearts of your wife and children.

I would add that Christian wives, too, need to see the value of these connections. When our husbands spend time investing in friendship with other Christian men, we lose some of their time and help. But we can gain in other ways. As our husbands are spurred on in their faith and find rest and refreshment through friendship, Lord willing, they’ll lead and serve our families from a place of greater spiritual health.

Of course, wisdom pursues balance. Just because it’s valuable for men to make time for friendship doesn’t mean they should spend every Saturday on the golf course or in a deer stand. Plenty of men, even Christian men, need to spend more time at home. But the majority of Christian men I know aren’t neglecting their families; if anything, they’re neglecting friendship.

Necessary Correction

I don’t know what it’d take to reverse declines in male friendship at a societal level. But within an individual family, it might be as simple as a wife’s encouragement when her husband mentions meeting a friend for breakfast or joining a pickup basketball game. When I consider why my husband was hesitant to bring up the golf trip last fall, I’d like to blame it on messages from church and culture. If I’m honest though, it has a lot to do with messages he’s received from me.

Particularly when our children were younger, I conveyed in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways that when he spent time away from home, he was burdening me. Yet every time there’s a women’s ministry event at church, my husband gladly takes care of the kids so I can go. Every time a friend asks me to meet for coffee or invites me to a girls’ night, my husband encourages me to say yes. He’s never hesitated with his response or sighed and slumped his shoulders when I’ve wanted to spend time with friends. His sacrificial service is a wonderful example for our sons—and me.

My husband ended up going on that golf trip, and it has led to more opportunities to play with these guys from church. It’s led to more opportunities for connection when they see each other on Sundays and text in their group chat in between. These are guys my husband had known for years at a distance but now counts as friends.

So, at the beginning of this year as we planned our family calendar, we reserved days for my husband to play golf. Playing a few more rounds this year will mean he spends a little less time with our family. It’ll mean that I care for our kids solo on a Saturday here and there. But that’s a small price to pay compared to the eternal value of Christian friends.

TheGospelCoalition. Male Friendship Is Declining. Wives Can Help. September 10, 2025. Winfree Brisley

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/male-friendship-declining-wives-help/

Transitions are tricky. I have been through many of them in my life—marriage, a child, then two and then three children, retirement, aging, becoming a widow. I launched our three children into the world and then watched them let go of our twelve grandchildren. I’m still not qualified to tell you how to navigate this particular season of motherhood, but I pray the Holy Spirit will use this letter to encourage you to cling to your Savior as you let go of your child. 

We are products of our theology. What we know about God will determine whether we flounder or flourish during transitions like these: 

“The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day” (Prov. 4:18).

“The righteous flourish like the palm tree . . . They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age . . .” (Psalm 92:12-15).

At age 83, I can testify to this forward movement of the gospel in our lives. My eyesight is weaker, but the path is brighter. My body is weaker, but my spirit flourishes. Because of God’s persevering grace, I know him better today than I did yesterday. In every transition I’ve faced as a mom, God never changed—but I continually change as I increasingly experience the reality of his presence. The biggest transition that determines our response to every transition is: “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30).  

This season of motherhood is fraught with unknowns. Yet, I encourage you to meditate on what you do know and reflect on the opportunities before you.

God created us for his glory. 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world . . . to the praise of his glorious grace” (Eph. 1:3-6).

Our identity is not in our various roles or in our children’s success but in our triune God. We are his image-bearers created to reflect his glorious grace. The Westminster Shorter Catechism succinctly states, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.” This brilliant statement clarifies and simplifies life, even as our children leave the nest. Each morning, I’ve made it a practice to pray, “Lord, show me how to glorify and enjoy you in whatever you ordain for me today.” Dear mom, I encourage you too: ask the Lord to empower you to glorify and enjoy him in this letting-go season. 

We are to glorify God in our marriage. 

In preparation for this change in your parental role, talk and pray with your husband if you’re married. Take his hand and say, “‘Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!’ (Ps. 34:3) as we transition to this new season of parenting. Let’s help one another navigate this change with grace.” 

Prayerfully consider—together and individually—how you will re-allocate your time as daily responsibilities for your kids wind down. Ask the Lord to show you where and how he wants you to share your gifts and graces with others. Consider spiritually mothering young moms, spending more time caring for aging parents, going on mission trips together, or discipling young couples.  

Agree together how you will relate to your child—who is now an adult. (For example, if you are still paying some or all of his bills, what accountability will you expect from him?) Entrust your child to Jesus and communicate with her with grace. The primary teaching time is past, but consider the words of the psalmist:

“You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip” (Psalm 18:35-36).

Support . . . gentleness . . . wide place. These can characterize our role with our kids in the letting-go season.

Two realities I must mention: you may be a single mom, or you may be experiencing alienation from a child who is walking in disobedience. This adds to the pain of letting go. I pray the next three “things you know” will comfort and strengthen you. 

As God’s beloved children, we have access to his throne of grace. 

During our children’s teen years, a friend told me about praying Scripture for her son. I was immediately convicted. I realized I prayed about our children’s behavior and not their hearts. So, I asked the Lord to teach me to pray. 

My heart was drawn to Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:14-21. For almost four decades now, I have prayed this passage for those the Lord entrusted to my husband and me. The list has grown as our children married, then had children. I don’t want my prayers to be limited by what I can imagine, so I ask the Lord to do “far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” (v. 20). 

I trust God and not myself, so I pray for his kingdom to come and his will to be done in their hearts (Matt. 6:10). As I pray Scripture, I see more of the bigness and hope of the gospel. My imagination and my joy soar as I think about him answering in his way and his time for each of the people I hold before him. 

No matter what choices your children make out on their own, cling to what you know about God. Our actions as moms do profoundly shape our children’s lives, so we want to continue taking responsibility, seeking forgiveness for our mistakes, and remaining humble to grow. Yet, we are not ultimately responsible for our children’s wrong choices, and we cannot change their hearts—but we can prayerfully entrust them to the Lord, who proved his love by giving his Child to die in our place. 

God has given us outward means of grace—his Word, prayer, worship, sacraments, and fellowship. 

Ask the Holy Spirit to use these outward means of grace to strengthen your inner being during this transition—that you might grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus. The Lord has given us himself and adopted us into his family. Cultivate gospel friendships with those who will pray with and for you and your child. Seek the wisdom and prayers of spiritual mothers who are ahead of you in parenting. This will be especially important when your child goes through hard places.    

The Lord is writing your story and your child’s story, and he has not finished either one. 

When a mom shares her grief about hard things in her grown child’s life, I listen and then say, “I am sad with you. Your focus is on your child, but I see what the Lord is doing in you. I see you grieving but not as one without hope. I see you trusting him. I see you growing in him as he writes his story of grace in you, and I pray he will give you grace to trust him to accomplish his good plan in your child’s life.” 

Recently, a grandchild asked what I would change if I could rewrite my story. My response: “Nothing, because it took, and is taking, everything—the times of rejoicing and the times of weeping—to accomplish God’s purpose. Nothing is random. Nothing is wasted. God ordains it all for his glory and my good. Jesus writes long stories. They are good stories. They are redemptive stories.”

RisenMotherhood. A Letter for the Letting Go Years. July 31, 2023. Susan Hunt

https://www.risenmotherhood.com/articles/a-letter-for-the-letting-go-years

It’s that time of year again. Yellow buses practice their circuitous routes, stores brim with school supplies, and teachers adorn their rooms with inviting bulletin boards and welcoming smiles. Back to school is officially upon us.

I ended the summer reading through the Psalms and Proverbs. As I drank in the wisdom of these two books, certain passages in particular have encouraged and directed my hopes for my children as they head back to school. These verses have shaped my prayers and given words to the longings of my heart. As my children spend less time in my presence, I am thankful that I can bring all my concerns and cares before the Lord in prayer.

Lord, I pray that my children would understand their need for Jesus and rejoice in the good news of the Gospel. Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation, and to GOD, the Lord, belong deliverances from death (Psalms 68:19-20).

Lord, I pray that my children will love learning; that their hearts would seek to understand the world you have created.  The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly (Proverbs 15:14).

I pray that as they learn about your world, they would behold the majesty of your glory. The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. (Psalm 19:1)

Lord, I pray that you would surround them with friends who make wise choices and encourage their faith.  Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm (Proverbs 13:20).

I pray that their teachers would be wise and gentle.  The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit (Proverbs 15:2,4).

Lord, I pray that they would work with diligence and put forth their best efforts. The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied (Proverbs 13:4).

I pray that they would be thoughtful with their words and respectful in their replies. The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things (Proverbs 15:28). 

I pray that you would free them from the pressure of trying to be like everyone else by instilling in them the confidence to know that they are uniquely made by you.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well (Psalms 139:14).

I pray that they would receive correction well.  The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence (Proverbs 15:31-32).

I pray that they would share their faith with others.  They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and tell of your power, to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of your kingdom (Psalm 145: 11-12).

I pray that when they do what is wrong, they would bear consequences that lead them to repentance.  I pray that when they do what is right, you would bless their obedience that they may learn to love your ways. The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his way (Proverbs 14:14).

I pray that your Word would be on their hearts and in their minds as they learn. Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD (Proverbs 16:20).

I pray that they would be kind to others.  Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor. (Proverbs 21:21)

I pray that you would give them the grace of self-control. A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls (Proverbs 25:28).

Lord, I pray that your grace would rest upon my children. Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! (Psalms 90:17)

I pray that you would protect them from all evil.  I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?  My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life (Psalm 121:1-2,7).

More than anything else, may their lives glorify you. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever (Psalm 86:12).

O Lord, hear our prayers!  Amen.

TheGospelCoalition. A Back to School Prayer. August 30, 2016. Melissa Kruger

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/melissa-kruger/a-back-to-school-prayer/

“I told her that you were my mentor when I was younger and that you saved my life!”  These were the surprising words that Tasha shared with me at lunch. We had “accidentally” run into each other after more than 20 years in the Wal-Mart where she works. She was telling me how she explained my presence in her life to her supervisor at work. I was shocked to hear Tasha’s description of our relationship – especially since we had lost touch so long ago. At the same time, this encounter further encouraged me to keep pursuing our vision for mentoring at Juntos. 

Did you know? Seventy-five percent of American adults who had a mentor growing up say that this relationship was a major contributor to their success in life. Sixty-seven percent of young people say that they remember a time when they didn’t have a mentor and they needed one.  The statistics go on and on – we all need mentors to walk alongside us! (mentoring.org)

At Juntos we regularly have opportunities to mentor on all levels. High school kids mentor younger kids in their small groups at our regular Rally Nights by sharing and memorizing scripture, praying together and helping them navigate relationships and hard (or exciting!) situations. College kids and young adults mentor middle school and high school youth as they volunteer side by side, attend their sports or school events, read the Bible together and encourage and build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Adults mentor all ages of young people as they share not only their experiences, but all of the ways that the Lord has worked in their own lives.

Juntos is intentionally designed for these mentoring relationships to form, but we are seeing the importance and potential impact of a much more intentional mentoring program. Our goal is for our Juntos students to be rooted, built up and established in their faith (Colossians 2:6-7), especially in a world that is rapidly changing and presenting many challenges and opportunities. This next year we will be looking for more ways in which our young leaders can mentor the children from their own families and neighborhoods. Additionally, we are developing an official community-based mentoring program in partnership with an existing ministry from Denver. We will be asking Jesus-following adults from outside of Juntos to invest significant time into some of our children and young people. We trust that through these efforts children will be more deeply rooted in their relationship with the Lord, parents and family members will see the truth of the Gospel, and the Lord will be praised and glorified by many!

Laura Jenkins has been involved with Juntos since 2005 and currently serves as the director. Juntos offers weekly meetings, summer programs, leader training, small group Bible studies, tutoring, and mentoring for kids in the International District of Albuquerque. If you’d like more information about serving with Juntos, call the Mountain Christian Church office.